This is what it feels like. Having an eating disorder leads you into a different world, dark, self-absorbed and narrow. I found that I lost focus of the real world and didn’t (or couldn’t) see what was around me whether it be people, places, or family.
As a celebration of my discharge this week my partner and I decided to go to the Lake District, a place we went to last year. However last year I was so unwell that I never truly appreciated the amazing place that the Lake District is. I was so unwell and focused on myself, avoiding food and needing to exercise that I didn’t have enough space in my mind to take in and appreciate what was really important. We decided to do the trip again and I am so grateful that we did.
I can’t tell you how amazing it felt to do a proper hike, to have energy to walk and fully take in the views around me. In the higher areas the views were simply breathtaking. Being able to spend the day walking with my partner, admiring the views, talking about the future and enjoying the great outdoors and being together was simply amazing. If that isn’t enough motivation to keep me going when it feel I am struggling then I don’t no what is.
Looking back to last year there was no way I would have sustained that distance of walking, let alone be able to really appreciate the Kentmere valley for what it was. Though feeling tired from a long day walking I felt great, I felt inspired, I felt exhilarated.
The best part, from a recovery point of view is that it was normal. We went for a long hike and had lunch on the way, when we got back we treated ourselves to ice-cream and continued our lovely day with fine dining in a Thai restaurant.
Life is for living, and this one simple day has helped me to see that. There is so much out there, you just need a little glimpse of it. You need to be able to open your eyes for what feels like the very first time.